by Amelia Carter

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They will judge you.
Don’t kid yourself,
People say they don’t care
But you know they do
They will see you and screen you
And you can’t run away. But,
that’s ok.

You will lose you cool.
You will not be able to fool
Anybody that you are calm
Because you won’t know what to do with your arms
Or hands, or face,
And you will hear disgrace
Drumming from you heart to your ears
And your red glowing skin
Cannot hide your fears
That won’t go away. But,
that’s ok.

You’ll spot someone you made yourself vulnerable for
And they’ll see that you saw them
And you’ll look at the floor
And you’ll do that nervous yawn
Like you have done before
(I hear animals also yawn when they’re nervous, like Tasmanian devils)
And your muscles seize up.
Their presence, like a hot beam.
You won’t know what to say. BUT,
that’s ok.

You’ll feel awkward, embarrassed,
Self-conscious and vain. BUT,
It. Is. Better!
Than faking again and again
That trembling smile
That poorly veiled shame.
And to make yourself vulnerable
Once again,
With a heart, honest, open,
Is worth ALL the pain.

 

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Amelia Carter is a student about to do her honours in linguistics. She likes to think her enjoyment of poetry and languages comes about simply from being fascinated with the phenomenon of words. ‘Judgement PT II’ is her first published poem.